If you could say anything to 1 million people, what would you say?

That’s the premise behind a pretty interesting online experiment called The Listserve where adding yourself to the list makes you eligible to be the one person chosen each day to address the entire group.  The listserve has a cap in place of 1 million people total (but it’s been around for a few years now and it seems to hover around a much more modest 25,000).

Back in 2013, I won the Listserve lottery and got to put a message together!  (Thank you to my friend Ro for telling me about it!)  In some important ways, that Listserve post was the first Real Simple Man post even before I knew it.  So I thought I’d share it here now.

Below is my Listserve post from 2013 (with edits because I don’t have a girlfriend now; she’s my wife.  And I’m not almost 30, I’m IN them 30s – solidly!)

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Self-help or hemorrhoids?  You get to choose!

For whatever reason, “self-help” and “self-improvement” have gotten a bad rap.  There seems to be an attitude that a book titled “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are” is necessarily a book written for “losers.”  It’s not.  I promise you.  It’s an awesome book filled with real insights.

And there are tons of other books, seminars, blogs, coaches, pastors, and therapists that are so wise and so helpful, but we often don’t take advantage of them because we don’t want to be in the company of the “losers” who need those kinds of things.

Many people would be more comfortable browsing the hemorrhoid treatment aisle in the drug store than the self-help aisle of the library.  “What if someone SEES me?!”

But when it comes to real relief from pain and the end of discomfort, the self-help aisle is where it’s at, homies!

Life is challenging.  We fail at things.  People disappoint us.  People die.  Relationships don’t work out.  We make bad decisions.  Or even worse, we make decisions and then we can’t TELL if they’re good or bad so we drive ourselves crazy about it all.  Growing up is weird and nobody knows if they’re doing it right.

Why not get help from really smart, compassionate people who have thought a lot about what makes human beings happy and fulfilled?

Why does “self-improvement” get the stigma?  I don’t get it.  I mean, if we aren’t about improving ourselves with the short amount of time we have in the world, then what the heck are we about?

I buy self-help books and I am joyously married to a total badass.  I’ve worked with a life coach and I was a college athlete.  I attend self-improvement seminars and I have a job that I love.  These are not mutually exclusive things.  In fact, it is largely BECAUSE OF the self-help stuff and the self-knowledge that comes with it that my life has improved.  And I hope it continues to improve because I’m still too much inside my own head about things.  On a daily basis I still think that I’m not enough, that people don’t like me, that I walk funny, that I’m not capable of being a good friend, that something is wrong with me because I’m in my 30’s and I still get zits sometimes, especially after shaving.  These are my hangups.  There are more.

I’m sure you have your hangups too.  The thing is, there are TONS of great books and people out there who can help us live more compassionate and content lives.  And they’re available as soon as we ditch this stigma around “self-help.”

Self-help isn’t for losers.  And as soon as you open up about reading a “self-help” book or talking with a counselor, you’ll be amazed to discover who else in your life has also met with a therapist or been to Landmark or filled the margins of a book by Brene Brown.  Often, they’re the most kickass people in the room.

 

Books I Love:

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life

Uncertainty: Turning Fear And Doubt Into Fuel For Brilliance

A Grace Disguised: How The Soul Grows Through Loss

The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal

 

Seminars: The Landmark Forum (Seriously guys, this one will change your life.  Well worth every penny.  Check it out!  The world needs your awesomeness!)

 

My original Listserve post from 2013 here.

 

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